airplane fun
I flew to Chicago and back a few weeks ago and on the way back flipped through the free Skymall catalog. It was so entertaining that I took it with me. Here are some of my favorite advertisements from it (unedited):*
We all have them, an expensive pair of dress shoes for those “special occasions.” The shoes that world famous secret agents wear to the black tie party where they end up doing some reconnaissance before they are chased around a European city by evil henchmen. The kind of dress shoes that show class, style, and sophistication but are so uncomfortable you can’t wait to take them off. Designed by the best shoe designers from three continents, the Gravity Defyer Shoes provide you with all the sophistication and comfort needed to keep up with the best of the world famous secret agents.
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The original sleep sound generator: This compact device produces a gentle whooshing noise that blocks intermittent or continuous annoying sounds so that you can relax and fall asleep.
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The marshmallow shooter: This clever pump-action device shoots sweet, edible miniature marshmallows over 30’, and it even has an LED sight that projects a safe beam of red light to help locate a target for pinpoint accuracy. Marshmallows not included.
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The best electronic pants presser: In comparison tests by the Hammacher Schlemmer Institute, this hand-crafted British walnut veneer pants presser was rated best for its large pants pressing area, versatility of pressing time, and pressing temperature.
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The “keep your distance” bug vacuum: This cordless insect vacuum quickly captures bugs from up to 2’ away. Flies, bees, spiders and other insects are suctioned by a 22,400 rpm motor, sending the insect through a one-way valve in the extension tube to an electric grid in the handle that instantly kills the pest.
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The remote controlled beverage buggy: This 1:12 scale remote-controlled dune buggy has cup holders that secure two 16 oz. cans or bottles of your favorite beverage, allowing you to dispatch the buggy to the refrigerator or cooler for more libation (willing accomplice not included).
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Massive boulder? No, it’s a lightweight imposter, and it’s hiding your lawn’s ugly utility post underneath.
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When you get thirsty on the golf course, your beverage is in the bag. When you find yourself parched on the back nine, break out the Caddie Cooler. This beverage dispenser, cleverly disguised as a 3-wood, is much more than just a conversation piece.
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Raise a few eyebrows with your own personal blimps! The MegaBlimp Combo is a sure winner with any crowd.
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Personalized branding iron for your barbecue: A great steak is a work of art and now you can sign your work!
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We have put a man on the moon, but we still don’t know when the toast will be done. Now there’s no more guesswork with our Deluxe Digital Countdown Toaster.
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The perfect driving shoe: The specially-designed soles grip your car’s pedals, and a wrap-around heel pad prevents scuffs.
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“Big Foot, the Garden Yeti” sculpture: With his characteristically big feet, our over two-foot-tall Garden Yeti will have guests doing a double-take as they admire your creative gardening style!
posted by Claire Elizabeth @ 7:46 PM
1 Comments:
I once heard someone complain about the "we put a man on the moon" premise of any statement. Generally, the thing that follows is in no way related to the idea of putting a man on the moon. This is clearly no exception.
I will, however, be raising a few eyebrows with my personal blimps any day now. (???)
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